M. Jeannelle Perkins-Muhammad
Couples seek real intimacy. Yet so few achieve it. The hurdles are especially high for Black couples.
Intimacy is fundamental to sustaining a healthy romantic relationship. With true intimacy, partners allow themselves to be open and vulnerable; to discuss emotions, experiences, and needs freely. They rely on each other for safety, both physically and emotionally.
In In-To-Me-See, licensed therapist Dr. Jeannelle Perkins-Muhammad explores the cultural and personal factors that can make it challenging for Black couples to develop and maintain intimacy. The book’s title comes from a cultural idiom that describes the ability to look beyond the physical and look deeper to see the greater connection to another person.
Unique among books on intimacy, In-To-Me-See explores specific cultural issues affecting Black couples, including how a history of slavery and the ongoing racism in America have created relationship expectations that often work against intimacy. Other topics include—
• The four different levels of intimacy—physical, cognitive, emotional, and spiritual—that must be addressed to deepen our intimate connections.
• The importance of bringing mental and emotional challenges into the open, so that they can no longer sabotage efforts to become more intimate.
Real-life stories from Dr. Perkins-Muhammad’s work show how Black couples have overcome the challenges they faced to find the deeply intimate and rewarding relationships we all seek. Whether you are in a brand-new relationship or have been with your partner for decades, In-To-Me-See will show you how to take the first steps to a deeper, long-lasting intimate relationship.
Becoming intimate or nurturing intimacy with your partner seems like it should be easy. It can be. Yet, for some people it is an arduous task that makes them feel very vulnerable. If you’ve ever had difficulty achieving this milestone in your relationship or thought you needed to raise your intimacy bar, I have three words for you: “You are right!” Kudos for actually acknowledging that there is a problem. Being a licensed marriage and family therapist, I understand the intricacies of a deep, intimate exchange between two people who love, adore, and desire one another but on most days can’t seem to muster the fluidity of affection to create and sustain intimate connection. I teach couples to flourish in intimate relationships. After having spent years helping couples resolve their intimacy mishaps and explore their intimacy needs, I am motivated to unveil the many untold truths regarding the myths and realities of intimacy between Black couples. Despite centuries of negative narratives about the intimacy of Black couples, I use this medium to reveal what sometimes limits a couple’s desire in order to actualize healthy intimacy. Without harboring the desire to demonize anyone, I expose unspoken truths about the challenges to healthy intimate relationships. These challenges have always been there, but because no one is willing to talk with unrelenting honesty and depths of emotion, attaining complete intimacy remains an illusion in many relationships. As James Baldwin once said, “Not everything that is faced will be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” Intimacy is a desire couples are mostly unprepared to discuss, yet one they are in desperate need to live. It is oxygen to a relationship. I hope Into-Me-See accelerates the innate desire of Black couples toward intimacy. My aim with this book is to light the paths for couples on their journeys to discovering their unique intimate expressions.
